I ! am ! super ! excited !!!
I want to run around and do cartwheels! I want to chase myself around the house! I want to sprint up and down the street!
Lots of people think different things about me. I suppose this is true in some way or other of most people, but sometimes I think the drastic contrasts are funny to hear. There are seriously people who think I don’t talk, then there are people who think I never stop talking. Both are true, sometimes I talk too much, but I do like to just listen sometimes too. Somethings I can just chock up to how well a person knows me; like how my friends understand this or that and everyone else thinks wha? But not everything is quite that simple.
There’s a phrase I like a lot that I’ve read inseveral books which is, “given to strong emotion.” Not too many people seem to use it anymore, but I am nothing if not a lover of words and phrases that are seldom or no longer used. So, I think there are those that would say that I am not given to strong emotion.
My friends and others who know me would tell you otherwise, but sometimes I’m not even sure all of them quite gage just how much I feel. Sometimes I think of my emotions as little balls of energy that will explode if I don’t either keep a ferm tight lid on them or filter them carefully. I think I am afraid that if I ever were to express my feelings as I truly felt them, I might hurt people–physically not emotionally–and definitely myself.
Right now for example, I am so excited that I want to go out and do all of the things I mentioned above, but instead I am sitting on my bed twitching and grinning stupidly. I am like a little kid who hasn’t grown in to her emotions yet and is practically drowning in them. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t get angry easily.
Darker emotions are the really hard ones. Those are big and heavy and sufficating. Those I have to choke off in order to cope with. Thosewould keep me up late at night and sleeping long in to the day.
I think if I ever found myself depressed and thought I might be depressed, that thought alone would depress me further and I’m not quite sure what I’d do then.
But typically, I am quite happy and content with life. And just now … Tigger bouncy excited! So, if I tell you I am so excited I am going to explode, or that I am so mad I want to destroy something, Well. . .
Oh, And I suppose you want to know why I’m so excited just now?
Really, it’s nothing. I mean, it’s so very small and insignificant to the rest of the world. Only I do get excited over the most ridiculous things.