Sometimes … sometimes when I am alone at night I think about things and I say I am alone because there is no one here no one listening because they are all asleep and I am alone and I think too much and sometimes it is exhausting because I get frantic and I want to do things I want to do everything and I want to know things and I want to know everything but there is no one to tell me things to tell me everything I want to know so I will go look it up on google because google in all its vast knowledge can tell me almost anything and so I go to google but then I am blank and I sit and I wait and my fingers wait for my brain to tell them what to do but my brain has stopped only it hasn’t really stopped because it never really stops it just thinks and thinks and perhaps it is thinking about something else yes it is thinking about something else and it has forgotten why I have gone to the internet but it is wondering what will happen next in the book I am reading because I am almost done and what if I finish the book before I fall asleep but I probably will because mostly I do and then what will I do because I will need another book to listen to while I lie here and wait to fall asleep because that is how I fall asleep because otherwise I cannot I cannot I cannot and I will just lay awake and my brain will just keep thinking and thinking and endlessly thinking and yes that’s right I was going to look up the different types of pasta which I really shouldn’t be doing because it will only make me hungry and then I will want to make things and try out all the recipes now now now I can not wait until morning I need to try them all out now but I can’t eat that much food so I will have to wait until morning or probably even next week or some other different day and I can’t wait and why won’t the night just hurry up hurry up hurry up I want that day to come so I can make everything and do everything and I have no patience for sleep because sleep will not come now now now and if I can not find another book to read I will just have to lie here in the dark all alone where my mind will keep thinking thinking always thinking just thinking and I can’t stop it from thinking because then I would be dead and I don’t think I am ready for death yet because I can’t surely have done all I am meant to do on this earth just yet and so my mind will just keep thinking thinking with out end while I lie here waiting for sleep that has turned its back on me and my mind will pull the threads and wonder and want to know until my insides boil and I am helplessly dragged through all the mud and aftergunk of thought until I am tired and dirty but not yet tired enough to sleep but I will perhaps want to cry except that I can’t cry because possibly I will not let myself and I will feel the emotions and all the emotions that I hide from during the day when I can distract myself because they run so deep and I can feel them all and they are huge and big and crushing and I feel them all when it is dark and there is no one looking and I am alone and frustrated because there is nothing to do because I really should be asleep but sleep will not come for me because it doesn’t care because no one cares and they have all left me and I have maybe played a part in pushing them away but I don’t know but when I am alone with my darker thoughts I wonder these things but I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know but sleep will not carry me but sometimes there is the wind and I love the wind and yes I should write more about the wind but tonight there is no wind and sometimes I wish …

Sometimes I wish someone would just hold me and let me breathe.

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